Hey! have you guys heard of this thing called ‘eBay’?
It’s an online auction site!
Anyway, it’s a new thing for me. I’ve seen too many people get far too addicted to it for my liking so I’ve always steered clear of it, until now.
I’ve also got a few piercings about the place and quite large holes [...]

… don’t you hate it when people you like for their ironic pop-cultural references turn out to be right wingers.
Still, is anyone surprised?

step 1: load up http://www.google.com.au
step 2: type in “find chuck norris” in search box (do not press enter)
step 3: click “I’m feeling lucky”

It’s been quite a while between chuck Norris facts - and probably for the best - but I can’t seem to help myself:
When Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn’t get wet, the water gets Chuck Norrised.
Chuck Norris invented every colour. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Chuck Norris hand is the only hand that can beat [...]

Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims “6 Feet of Fun” is actually the trademark for his penis.
Whenever someone is constipated, doctors send them to Chuck Norris so he [...]

(Apologies if I’ve repeated myself or if this is getting tedious - but surely it isn’t.)
Aliens do exist, they’re just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad [...]

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling [...]

In responce to the “random facts” that are being generated in the Internet
I’m aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as “Chuck Norris facts.” I’ve seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of [...]