So Melbourne city council think that cycling through a small handful of parks (Fitzroy, Carlton, Treasury and Flagstaff gardens, and most of Fawkner Park) is a terrible thing to do. So bad, that it warrants a $250 fine and requires the use of our Police Force.

$250. Let’s think about that. The fine for speeding in a car between 15 km/h and 25 km/h is $234. The fine for passing a stopped tram (which all too often has fatal consequences): $193.

If you are using a mobile phone while driving you are 4 times more likely to be involved in an accident and twice as likely to be involved in a fatal accident. Yet the fine for that is $234.

But I’m surely missing something here. The Age notes “The council was unable to provide evidence that pedestrians in the city’s parks were being endangered by cyclists, although 20 park users have complained to the council in the past six months about cyclists.”

And the article goes on:

“Pedestrian groups backed hefty fines, saying cyclists had to realise there were serious consequences if they hit someone. ”If you are a 70-year-old man or a child and you get hit by a bike travelling at 30 km/h, you’ll spend the rest of your life in hospital,” said Pedestrian Council of Australia chairman Harold Scruby.”

The fucking who? The biggest bunch of kill joys on the face of the planet it would seem. I’m all in favour of road safety – it’s at the forefront of any cyclist’s mind – but that’s the thing isn’t it, it’s safer to cycle through the parks.

Do I need to go on?

I don’t think so. Melbourne City Council, I though you were all about encouraging cycling. Victoria Police, I’d like to see you out there catching bad guys, you know rapists, murders etc, rather than wasting your resources because someone is cycling through a park. Harold Scruby, shut up.

So for being ridiculous, Melbourne City Council you are: Jerk of the Week