Modern Art!
Come one come all, how could you say no to modern art?
Archive for February, 2006
Footy!
I keep saying to myself, “it’s only the crappy pre-season,” but I can’t help getting pretty excited.
Hell, Hawthorn even one!
Bare Back Mounting
So I saw “Brokeback” last night. In the words of the great Bill Hicks, “snap review: piece of shit”.
You’re gay, cool, good on you. I just don’t care.
Everyone’s banging on about Heath’s character’s internal turmoil. There was no turmoil, he was a batty boy. Cool. So what?
It seems that entirely too many films that deal with homosexuality have one twist/point: they are gay. Surely in 2006 it just doesn’t matter.
However what was interesting was the audience’s reaction, which was to laugh. So unfortunately I think it is fair to say that audiences haven’t come to terms with homosexuality. I saw it at the Nova in Carlton (can’t complain about $7.50 movies on Monday nights) – latte leftie homeland apparently. And they were giggling at the more intimate moments.
I remember watching the film Head On (quite the piece of gay porn and a fantastic film). In a particularly moving part at the end, which had me nearly in tears (because my girlfriend had eaten all the pop-corn of course) someone farted – loudly and deliberately. Obviously they couldn’t deal with the tension or the homosexual themes.
I guess it just pisses me off. When it’s a bunch of fuck heads like Queer Eye for a Straight Guy who reinforce stupid stereo-types, homosexuals are fine. When they’re all frocked up and dancing down Oxford st they are fine. As soon as they are real people with real emotions and don’t fit into – often counterproductive – stereo-types then people still need to fart during the emotional bits.
I left Brokeback pissed off because it was a shit film that went for at least an hour too long. I left Head On pissed off with a society that is obviously still too immature.
Future incrimination
So I spent the weekend on a farm near Ballarat. It’s where one of the most beloved people in my life now lives with her partner (a farmer). It really was fantastic to see her and where she lives. Got to sleep in a swag under the stars as well – beautiful.
So what do you do when you’re on a farm? First of all you enquire about 600 cc trail bike you spy in the shed. “Sure off you go” comes the reply and off you go. I was getting a bit of air as well which was ace fun.
So in a similar vein, when said farmer walks out into a paddock, puts down a target, walks back and you a .22, you take it and have a few shots at the target* (I’m not a bad shot either).
But then you realise that your friend has taken photos of you that could come across as being quite similar to some photos taken of senior AWB officials in Iraq. And you think to your self, I’m an activist. There’s a reasonable chance that one day I’ll be in the media spot light. These are photos that could prove problematic for a peace activist.
Make mental note: Stay close friends with photographer.
*On a political note, I’ve no real problem with guns per se. They should be well regulated and, and are, so shooting at a target in the safe confines of a farm is not a problem at all. Farmers need guns and I respect their right to use them.
Goonanism.com Launched
So, I dun this: http://goonanism.com.
It’s a pretty straight forward process for me these days but I think this one could be the most fun. However I’m using Joomla instead of Mambo now. They are almost identical but as time goes by they will diverge. The Mambo development team got pissed off with the mambo management team and there was a split which created Joomla. I don’t want to take sides so I’m experementing with both. If you’ve an opinion on the matter I’d like to hear it.
We’ll see how it evolves but I suspect that it’s main purpose will be for me to communicate with family and friends (and fans?) while I’m overseas.
International Poker Tour
Hello kids – sorry about the lack of writing of late – things have been a little out of hand. Nothing to worry about, just really busy.
Thought I’d pop in an comment on a couple of things.
Firstly, I was officially dubbed the North Melbourne Poker Champion last week. That’s right, line up and let me take your money.
Now the thing about poker is that I love it but hate the casino – I’ve never been there for gambling purposes and I avoid going there for other purposes. So when the opportunity arose for a 12 person $10 buy in tournament I jumped at the opportunity. All that watching of the International Poker Tour on Foxtel (one of my favorite pastimes) paid off. I was actually pretty good at it – even started reading the play a bit. Walked away with 80 big ones my friends.
So now that I’m convinced that I’m a fantastic poker play (No-limit Texas Holdem) I really want to play again and just don’t have the opportunity to do so. So if you want me to take your cash just let me know and we’ll organise another night of no-limit Texas Holdem!!
Which brings me to my second point, the $80 that I won I put towards my overseas trip. That’s right kids, I finally feel that I can say this. Those that i work with who read this blog are now aware that I will be going overseas this year – and hence resigning.
So we’ve a new category: ‘travel’. And I’m afraid that at some point this year – around mid-year I’d say – this blog will degrade into a boring travel blog. But I care not for I am too excited.
Now, what do you think the chances of me being able to travel the world on my poker skills would be?
Can there ever be enough Chuck?
(Apologies if I’ve repeated myself or if this is getting tedious – but surely it isn’t.)
Aliens do exist, they’re just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to “fucking.”
There are two kinds of people in this world: people who shit, and Chuck Norris.
In the movie “Back to the Future” they used Chuck Norris’ Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson’s disease.
Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn’t was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.
Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose’s shit.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and ____ on their floor, just because he’s Chuck Norris.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That’s why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can “accidentally” beat the shit out of little kids.
Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is “his” way.
Chuck Norris had his own version of Punk’d. Only in his version, he would walk around and roundhouse kick people in the throats.
At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn’t a racist.
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Rocks learned from Chuck Norris how to be hard.
My high school sweet heart just got married
So my high school sweet heart just got married.
I’m not sure what it means but I’m sure it’s significant in some way.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m amazingly happy for her – I know she’s really happy with her new hubby. It certainly the best thing she could be doing.
Went and saw Walk the Line last night. Enjoyed it. But found my self thinking the whole way through “I need to get me a life partner”.
IFOCE
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you montage that you’ve all been waiting for.
The International Federation of Competitive Eating‘s finest moments on Google video:
Update: By sheer coincidence La Nadine as a competitive eating love story for us.
