Well it’s that time again and frankly I’m peeing my pants with excitement. I’ve been told that I should discuss these things online considering my politics but today I’m throwing caution to the wind.

Evey year my fellow Motorcyclist and who ever wants to tag along comes down to Philip Island for the Moto GP (Motorcycle Grand Prix). My Brother is also coming down this year and bringing one of his drinking mates. And every year, I spend most of the weekend in hysterics. It’s wrong, I know it is, but god damn I love it.

So I thought I’d recap a few lessons learned from the last two years down at “the Island” (in no particular order):

1. When your mate is doing a burnout and the front tyre is slipping a bit, probably not a good idea to try and stabilise the bike by putting your foot on the front tyre.
2. Oil creates more smoke when your doing a burn out and if four blokes hold you there is no need to apply the front break.
3. If you’re trying to show the kids how wild you are by getting pissed, hooning around the camp ground on a pee wee, crashing, then wake up and realise that you’ve broken your ankle and have to get one of the kids to fetch an ambulance for you, as soon as you get back to camp hop straight back on that bike. “Our Dad is soooo cool right now!”
4. Fire won’t light? Hand your son an empty bottle and get him to fill it with fuel from the fuel tap on the motorbike.
5. If you throw empty cans and the band, they will punch the shit out of you.
6. Dancing on the end of a trestle table is not advisable. Particularly with a skin full.
7. Doing a ‘jig’ in the middle of a trestle table can be surprisingly impressive.
8. When some idiot is singing the national anthem horribly off key, just unplug the nearest speaker.
9. Camp fires should be lit at least a metre or two from your tent.
10. Despite what the signs say, fireworks are perfectly acceptable in the campground.
11. It is appropriate and not too poofy to clean the frying pan at least once over the weekend. Not doing so could be followed by two weeks of quick dashes to the loo.
12. Poor beer on the fry pan when cooking your sausages. Makes them taste better.
13. Barnsy is god.
14. So is Mike Doohan
15. If you really want to do an impressive burnout, just ride your bike into a toilet block and do one. That smoke really billows out of the windows.

There were many more lessons and I do look forward to regaling them to you when I return.

Update: while there are many lessons I left out of the above list, one important lesson that probably should have been mentioned what that you should never EVER accept any baked goods that a biker gives you. You won’t remember the rest of the night and will wake up with heart monitor things all over your body with no idea how they got there.