A couple of people have been discussing the issues around a female teach who was sack, seemingly quite innocently, after she admitted to being a Lesbian.
So I emailed these links to a gay friend of mine, purely because I thought he would be interested and the discussion that followed was a bit of an eye opener for me in some sense. Considering I really value his opinion and I thought his response was really interesting I thought I’d post and edited (for privacy and coherence) version of the discussion:
Friend: Interesting – I think I am getting more right wing as I get older. I would have told the students nothing – my personal life has nothing to do with them. Maybe we will live one day in a world that it does not matter – but for many people it does matter – children do take leads (and while it would be good to set by example, for many that causes great problems.) As an example if I was a teacher – I would never say who I voted for – one of those things that remain unsaid.
Me: While the whole ‘it’s none of your business’ stuff is fine, it is true to say that it would be different if you were straight. This is precisely where the problem is. I don’t need to tell you that you have nothing to be ashamed of and I’m kind of fond of creating a stir.
When I was about 10 a few kids all of a sudden left my soccer team. It turns out the coach was gay so he sat us all down and ‘came out’. I remember thinking ‘so?’ But then again I had good lefty parents and was well aware of the issues at the time. It was interesting to see the response. Unfortunately the guy was a complete dick head and a bad coach but by coming out like that he actually calmed the situation a lot.
There was a long silence after he told us until one kid said something to the effect of ‘yeah, well just don’t try anything on us and I don’t care.’ His response was actually quite good as he nipped that one in the bud and in a way it was good that the kid said that because he didn’t have to bring it up but could address it in a sort of ‘third-party’ way.
If we don’t cause a stir then how will we ever overcome the discrimination?
Friend: No – when I was young I would not divulge my private life – But I am a very private person and I think it is very disarming sometimes to say, but I am gay – in a suitable audience.
The coach would have been better coming out as a bad coach than gay – as suddenly gay is the issue and people think differently. It’s a bit like saying, I play dungeons and dragons – there are some things that telling people does not matter. Adults are different story – but impressionable children are another story – bit like I would hate it if a teacher was liberal voting and telling students about there branch meetings – it has an influence.
Me: Being a private person is fine.
The good thing about my coach doing what he did is that in many ways he neutralised the issue. After a couple of weeks no one cared. I also think it made the kids go home and talk about it which is (in my mind) a positive.
I strongly believe that as Lefties we are entirely too sensitive. Homosexuality should be a neutral issue so why are we so sensitive about it? It is, for all intents and purposes, a biological fact and one I think children should be aware of, just like they are aware of sex in a basic sense from quite a young age. By not mentioning it you’re sort of going back to the days of your parents leaving a book on your bed so you can read about what is happening to your body when you get your first period. Talk about disempowering. It also makes it difficult for kids when they their sexuality starts to emerge and they can’t quite understand why they are attracted to people of the same sex when that has never been presented to them as an option.
The problem is that saying your gay is disarming and saying your straight is not. That said I don’t envy your position. I’d hate for knowledge of my sexuality to be disarming and I sympathise with you keeping your sexuality quite from time-to-time.
I guess my problem is that I’m so fucking normal: white, middle class, straight, male so I have no identity issues to fight and feel a little out of place marching in a pride rally – despite being pissed off. In many senses you’ve got a great responsibility because you belong to an oppressed minority. That can’t be easy. I’ve obviously got to let go of my politics from time to and try to understand the personal responses a little more.
Friend: This is a good one to discuss over drinks – let’s keep it on the boil.